Indonesia, Java - The Clandestine Mexican

"You know," I said with a tone that connoted mild seriousness, "you boys made a big mistake letting me in here." He gave me a look but didn't stop to respond right away. We were making our way through a maze of tables in a darkly lit room.

I sat down at a table in the back just as the music began to play, my seat facing the entrance door. "Is that right?" He replied with a half smile that pulled his face slightly to the left, his eyes fixed on all 62 kg of yours truly. "That's right," I said more jokingly now, "you boys are in for a treat, you're going to see something real special...."

And with that, I tucked a cloth napkin into my shirt and got to work.

You see, I've been humoring my hosts and friends with the fact that when I walk down these Indonesian streets with sunglasses on and actively make an effort to not speak, that I integrate with the locals here perfectly without a hint of bulé (outsider, traveler) suspicion. Perhaps I am just a bit too tall but not distractingly so and just the right color and complexion. It's worked to my advantage so far, especially when shopping at traditional markets or simply by not unintentionally inviting taxi a driver's harassment. Sorry Chris.

Likewise, on this very special day, my inconspicuous nature in this foreign land got over on them. The restaurant never saw me coming.

The plan was simple. Show up, ask for the buffet, and do some damage. More so than I would normally do; this lunch food buffet is Mexican style and I've been having serious dreams about tacos, pink rice, and sour cream. Add to that the appetite of a traveling cyclist and they had a trouble they did not, could not, suspect. Like I said, they were going to see something special.

But to make a short story long, let me backtrack just a bit.

None of this was planned. I woke up in the morning not remembering this buffet option. I had researched it before getting to Jakarta a week ago and had completely forgotten about the opportunity. It's only thanks to my host Diah that this bliss happened at all.

"Don't you want to do that Mexican food thing today?"

I smiled and grabbed my bike. "Yes! Today is certainly the last day to do it. I'll walk with you to work and use the Internet to find the restaurant." So we walked and I found it, with no problem. I knew the area for we had been in the same neighborhood just the night before.

I got to the place right on time but when I walked in something was wrong. There were no
people. Either no one liked the food here, or the deal was off. The restaurant was deserted.

Between my spotted Indonesian and the cute waitress' broken English was I able to piece together that I was at the right restaurant but had the wrong branch. The one with the buffet was all the way on the other side of Jakarta and the clock was ticking. Damn. If I left now, I could make the last hour of the all I could eat lunch meal. Worth it? You bet your sweet ass.

Jumped on my bike, hustled uptown under an intimidating heat, and got to the right branch with a little more than an hour to fill my belly with all the food I've been craving. Especially beans which are curiously absent here...

It's a good thing Chris decided not to show up as well. I don't think the Amigos restaurant could have accommodated both of our appetites. Chris typically eats more than I, and I alone polished off two of the five buffet options.

So here's what I ate for my three lunches, essentially all the same servings. Lettuce, tomatoes, beans, carrot strips, broccoli, and collie flower. Mexican rice, steamed veggies, chile con carne, more beans, and a beef chimichanga topped with a red enchilada sauce. Tacos of shredded chicken or beef along with toppings of fresh salsa and guacamole next to a very rare tasting of sour cream. Holy s#*t, good eats!!

And for those of you who know me well, you know I love my apple desserts. Tarts, crumbles, pies, juiced, baked, or candied with red caramel - me love me some of that! Shoot, just a plain ol' Granny-smith will do for dessert in itself.

These happen to be apple empanadas covered in a strawberry reduction. Wow. And all I could eat. It made me question the old adage, "there's always room for dessert." Now I'm not so sure. What I am sure if is that you could not pay me to eat another bite. And on a trip that welcomes frugal opportunities and easy money - that's saying a lot.

It's time for me to crawl out of here. The shows over. The employees are picking their jaws up off the floor and the cooks are catching their breath, brushing the sweat off their brows. Congrats to them. One tip: tight elastic biking shorts was not a good idea; I didn't think this one through. I'm going to go cycle some of this off - stay cool my friends.

Love,
-Andrés